A whole new world

We recently saw a quote about marriage that was something along the lines of "marriage is the abandonment of two individual worlds for the creation of one new world."  We thought it would be fitting to reflect on the new world of which we are now a part.  So, here are the top 10 hallmarks of our new world:

1. There is no such thing as a snooze button. In the new world, when the alarm goes off, you get up and turn the lights on. This is VERY different from my past world where I snoozed at least one time each morning.
2. I am now an official NC State wolfpack fan. I not only know who Russell Wilson is, but I can carry on a conversation about him.  I'm also fully aware that NC State has been leading every football game in the 4 quarter this year.  My "fan" status became official when I voluntarily watched the second half of a NC State football game while in my hotel room on a work trip.  
3. I now have very strict rules about which baseball teams to cheer for.  Cardinals first, anyone but the Cubs or Braves, then anyone with ties to North Carolina, NC State, and/or Southeastern Virginia, and lastly, national league over american league.  I'm not yet sure what happens if there's a Braves player from NC State.  I think that might be Brad's definition of "conflicted". 
4. Brad is now an official tennis fan.  He's becoming fully fluent in tennis terminology and can carry on a conversation using the most scientific tennis terms like, "he tree'd out of his mind", "that was a complete pot shot", or "he's a huge push".  He also has rules on who to cheer for - Rafa Nadal over....well, everyone. 
5. Brad can fully comprehend how great something is when I compare it to "being in a focus group and having consumers play back your core essence."
6. Brad learned that it is possible to survive without ESPN... or cable TV for that matter.  
7. I live in dog hair.  It is an accessory. It magically appears on everything, all the time.  No matter what.
8. Weekly (if not 3x per week) fast food is a requirement.  China 1 is on speed dial and Saturday mornings at Chick-fil-a is a tradition only skipped when vacationing in a city that is not lucky enough to have a Chick-fil-a. Also, trips to home depot for hot dogs (and only hot dogs) are perfectly normal. 
9. Socks CONSTANTLY get lost from their mate.  Brad said he has never experienced emptying the dryer to find multiple pairs of socks without a match.  If this is new to his world, then I'm convinced he dry cleaned or never did his laundry. 
10. In the new world, I practically live like the rich and famous.  I own multiple homes. I am the proud owner of a "city house" for weekend trips, vacations, or just to be closer to "the city life".  I'm also the proud owner of a "county house" for the quieter, more relaxed, day to day moments.  If you find yourself jealous of my rich and famous lifestyle and would like to have a city house of your own, please let me know.  I think I have one that would be perfect for you :)

What I learned about marriage through a breakdown at KFC

Before I can really get into the marriage lesson learned at KFC, I have to back track to the week before our wedding.  When you plan a wedding in 40 days, you don’t have time to be particular about every little detail (which is a real blessing!).  However, ten days before our wedding, I found myself feeling very particular about one thing, one thing I could not control, that one thing, was the weather.  In planning an outdoor wedding, I had to submit to the fact that the weather might not be perfect on my special day.  Forty days out, that was easy as we had an indoor back up that was perfectly acceptable for a wedding. (Note I used the word "acceptable".  Who wants "acceptable"?!)

Of course, the minute the 10-day forecast was available, I was scouring every weather site to see the first glimpse of the sun that was sure to be forecasted on my wedding day.  GASP - thunderstorms...60% chance??? what?  look again...every....10....minutes. no change. ever. To a woman who has planned an outdoor wedding, the weather is a pretty big deal and a pending chance of rain was enough to send me spiraling into distraction (my decision to eat at KFC should at least give you an indication of how distracted I was by the pending weather!).  I found it increasingly difficult to get comfortable with that pesky little thunderstorm cloud that was GLARING at me from the weather report! 

Five days before the wedding, Brad and I helped our church hold its first service in a new building.  That morning, on our way to church, the sky opened up and a downpour began.  As we stepped soaking wet into the brand new lobby of the building, I remember saying to Brad, “if anyone deserves good weather on a special day, it’s this church! I’m sure there were plenty of people praying for good weather today and look what they got!”  As people arrived for the service, I remember watching them dash inside from the torrential downpour, shoes soaked, clothes drenched, and umbrellas dripping water all over the floor.  In an flash, I was transported to my wedding day where my mind’s eye painted a picture of what I might look like trying to hold an umbrella and avoid puddles in a wedding dress.  I saw my guests soaked to the bone and I saw us being married in our backup location, not at the garden that we had worked so hard to arrange.  In that instant, I felt myself on the edge of a breakdown.  Luckily, the service was starting so I was able to pull myself together...somewhat.  

After a rainy, but successful first service at the new church, Brad suggested stopping by KFC to grab a quick bite.  Again, we ran through a rainy parking lot, jumping over puddles in a mad dash to the front door.  I sat down in a corner booth and looked out the window at the looming clouds. Suddenly, the thoughts of a rainy wedding came rushing back.  This time, the tears came rushing in too.  Yes, I had a breakdown at a  Kentucky Fried Chicken.  Brad arrived with the food to find me blubbering about rain, weather, and my wedding dress. Without skipping a beat, Brad said “should I just go ahead and get this to go?” 

Over the next five days, the weather forecast never really changed.  Thunderstorms and rain were expected to bring a cold front to the area.  In order to ensure rain did not ruin our day, we contemplated saying our vows on Thursday (zero percent chance of rain) during the rehearsal.   However, while the forecast never changed, my attitude finally did.  We (and everyone else I knew who prayed!) had been praying hard for good weather when I realized that praying for good weather was the WRONG prayer to be praying.  Instead, I started praying for a good attitude and a joyful heart no matter what the weather brought.  Two days before the wedding, I heard four different stories from co-workers, friends, and acquaintences whose outdoor weddings were changed by the rain.  In every circumstance, the storytellers did not express one tinge of disappointment or frustration over the rain.  Instead, everyone talked about how beautiful and wonderful the day was, even in the rain.  It was through those conversations that my prayers were answered and I finally felt at peace with the fact that our wedding plans may have to be altered due to rain.

Friday morning, my wedding day, I woke up at 4:30 in the morning to a HEAVY rain.  At 7:30 when I left for breakfast, the rain was still pouring.  By 9am, the rain was calming and the sun was starting to shine.  By noon, the clouds had cleared, the sun was out, and the roads were beginning to dry.  It was around that time, I sent a text message to my groom that read “I think we just learned our first marriage lesson...sometimes we have to wait out the storm in order to see the beautiful weather waiting behind it.”

Showered with love

I’ve been meaning to post this entry for a few days and with the hustle and bustle of tying up the loose ends, I just haven’t gotten around to it...until now! 

As my wedding approaches (less than 24 hours away now!), I’ll enter into this new phase of life appropriately “showered” with love and support from all of those closest to me.  As I think back over the past 40 days, some of my favorite memories from our little engagement were the opportunities to celebrate with friends and family.   First, my stepmom threw a perfect wedding shower for me at a local restaurant and included a fun way for attendees to contribute to our new marriage.  A few months ago, Brad and I decided that after we were married we would keep our “date night” tradition alive.  So, at my shower, guests had the opportunity to contribute date night ideas to keep our tradition going.  Some guests even gave us gift cards or money to make their date night ideas come to life.  After the awesome creativity from friends and family, Brad and I will be going on a wide variety of date nights including, ziplining, cooking classes, biking, tickets to a drive-in movie, a road trip, winery trips, private art museum tours, dinners, and ideas for seeing new things all over the area!  We cannot wait to get started.  

In addition to family showers, my closest co-workers also threw me a lovely “bridal shower” while we were on a business trip in California.  The first best part about this bridal shower is that I was one of two women in the group.  The second best part about this bridal shower is that it was held at a place called “Don the Beach Comber”, a local Hawaiian restaurant.  The third best part about this shower was that we made fun of Stoddard all night...just like old times :)   It was certainly a night filled with laughs.  I mean, what isn’t there to love about a restaurant with a name like “Don the Beach Comber”?! 

Throughout this time, it’s the small, little gestures that have made this time so rewarding for us.  It’s the spontaneous hugs, the never ending “congratulations”, the date night list that will last us well into our first year of marriage, and the loads of laughs with friends at Don the Beach Comber. 

Just today, we reflected on how amazed we are by all of the sacrifices people have chosen to make in order to share this special time with us. On 40 days notice, our guest list is running at over 90% acceptance vs. the standard 80% we were told to account for :)  We have guests from all over the world and all over the country coming in to celebrate.  We have people taking the day off of work and rearranging schedules just to help make this day as perfect as is possible on this side of heaven.  In short, we are overwhelmed, humbled, and showered with love. 

Your trash is my treasure

In order to create a more personal environment (and to keep costs down), we have taken a DIY approach in bringing a few of our wedding details to life.  Printing and assembling wedding programs happens to top that list.  It also happens to top the list of things that have driven me to the massage table during wedding planning. 

I am well aware of the situation – some people don’t even take a program, relatively few people look at programs, and everyone trashes them on the way to the reception.  My rational mind understands this. Emotionally, however, I had it in my head that this was a perfect opportunity to create something cute, personal, and precious for our wedding. And, we all know who wins 98% of the battles between rational and emotional.

We want our wedding to tell our personal story.  In planning the details, we’ve tried to carry the “story” thematic throughout different elements of the ceremony and reception.  Our invitations were created to give a peek into the story of our relationship and to also set the scene for why we picked a specific location for our ceremony and reception venue (it’s where we went on our first date and where we got engaged).  When it came time to design the programs, it felt natural to continue to weave the story element throughout.  What better way to do that than to create “storybook” wedding programs…right?!

While interviewing the most intelligent brain I know (GOOGLE), I found a sample that fit with my wedding theme and my heart was set at first sight!  Little did I realize all the effort and toil that it would take to bring my vision to life.  Never, in a million years, did I think we would drive to three fabric stores, one Hobby Lobby, a Michael’s, and a Wal-mart…first to find the perfect green ribbon for the programs, and then revisit all of the stores collecting enough spools to cover our numbers.  I also did not envision us combing through racks of ribbon on store shelves, or hunting through inventory boxes at 9pm on a Friday night, or calling every store in the St. Louis area until we had just enough Offray Lime Juice Side Saddle Ribbon to make the bows for our programs.   Still engrained in my memory is almost every detail needed to have a clerk at a Hancock Fabric store do an inventory check for this ribbon – 9 feet, sold in a spool, Offray brand, the sticker on the back says Side Saddle LMJ…blah, blah, blah.  Turns out, the ribbon hunt was nothing compared to the assembly. First, I struggled to follow the bow tying tutorial we found on youtube and then, to make matters worse, I had to succumb to the fact  that bow making, something I thought should be well within my womanly abilities, was not my talent, and that Brad was a far superior bow maker than me.  However, after many lessons and tutorials, one night of cutting and folding, one night of tying, a few back cracking breaks, and a skittles binge, our programs were assembled. 

I do not expect anyone else (other than Brad) to view the programs as the output of toil, stress, and perseverance. I fully realize that to the majority of my wedding guests, the programs represent nothing more than a short lived agenda that will be quickly perused before the ceremony and quickly trashed on the walk to the reception.  However, your trash is my treasure.

This is where I would like to pop a question to you.  If you are attending my wedding AND reading this blog AND feel you will find yourself looking to dispose of the program, I urge you not to dispose of it with the same casual ease that I typically use after attending weddings (yes, sorry).  Instead, I would like to present you with a different alternative (which I encourage you to pass on to anyone with a program in hand who is scouring for the nearest trash can).  We will have a card box at the reception.  Since I realize that very few guests will have any desire for a wedding keepsake, I urge you to drop your gently used program into the card box.  My mind is already spinning with creative ways to reuse the manifestation of our toil (and yes, probably create even more toil, I mean memories, in the process).  And you never know where your program will reappear in its next life…it might just find its way back to you afterall… J

It takes a village

One of my favorite things to do is to tell people that Brad and I are planning our entire wedding in 40 days.  The reactions are priceless.  Most men give Brad a big high five.  Most women look at me perplexed and ask a series of questions, like "Are you eloping? Is it a destination wedding? How are you going to manage to get everything done in time? Do you have a dress? How many people? How in the world..."


Well ladies and gents, it takes a village, that's how in the world...


We had been engaged for 32 days and had made zero decisions.  After booking the Botanical Gardens as our venue, we needed to make ALL of our decisions in 40 days.  It was a little overwhelming to say the least.  However, when we made the decision, we decided to play like a team and make quick decisions.  And by team, we meant each other and our broader community of friends and family.  


On the eve of our big decision, we made a list of the major things we needed.  All along, I wanted a personal wedding that reflected our relationship.  This was the perfect time to call upon our network of friends, who know us best, to help us create a truly personal wedding day.  Our vendor philosophy was simple - if we knew you and you performed a task/service that we need needed and were available, SOLD!  If we didn't know anyone who did that task, we began our outreach, first to our church community (www.journeyon.net) and then to facebook :)  


Within 48 hours, in addition to a ceremony and reception site, the following people had already agreed to join us on our journey:


-  Kelly, our photographer, who we know through church (www.relicphotography.com)


-  Our very talented friend Mandy, who agreed to design invitations and programs (joyeverafter.com; etsy.com/shop/joyeverafter) 

- A cake from our first choice bakery - The Cakery (www.cakerybakery.net) 

- Cordell, a pastor and family friend


- Our friend, Courtney, our soloist (and as Brad likes to say, a soloist and local celebrity)


- Julie B, my friend and makeup artist 


- A list of about 50 confirmed guests all willing to lend a helping hand


As the days have passed, many more friends and personal connections have signed on to make this time extra-special for me and Brad.   One of the things I am most excited about is seeing our village come together on September 24.  For every vendor on the list (with the exception of our florist and caterer), we either know them personally or have connections with them through our church community.  I am so excited for this wedding,  not only because it will be reflection of me and Brad, but also because it is a celebration of the talent that exists within our village.  It takes a village and I wouldn't want it any other way!  We are so blessed!!

Can you please take this dress off of me right now...

Those were the last words I said to my dress.  Yes, my dress. Yes, the dress I will wear on my wedding day.  

Today is a big day for me.  It's my final dress fitting.  It isn't a big deal because I'm worried about getting overly emotional when I put it on, or because I'm worried about fitting into it, or because I'm worried about not liking it anymore.  It's a big deal because the last time I had it on, I almost fainted.

It seemed like a normal, boring dress fitting (not that I had ever been to one...).  I was standing and standing and standing, listening to the 87 year old seamstress reminisce about her wedding day, while she was pinning and pinning and pinning.  Suddenly, I began feeling antsy.  I was overcome with an intense desire to do anything but stand still.  As I tried to mentally escape and coach myself through the issue, I began feeling light headed.  When my eyes would blink, it would take a few seconds for the scene to come back into full focus. As I was trying to figure out what was happening, I caught a glance of myself in the mirror, except it wasn't me.  It was a ghost of me, or at least that's what it looked like.   (And just so you know, I wasn't locking my knees...)

At that point, I knew I needed to sit down.  Trying not to give anything away, I calmly asked if I could take a seat.  Without hesitation and without looking up from her pin pile, Miss 87 pulled over a chair and kept pinning away.  As she reached the end of a section, she looked up and although she already knew the answer, she immediately began asking how I was feeling.  By this point, I was over the dizzy spell, but was now feeling like someone had tied a rubber band around my chest..,not feeling well at all!  Next thing I know, there are three ladies in my room.  Miss 87 with a glass of water, another lady with a makeshift fan, and another with a hundred questions.  While I appreciated all of the gestures, the reality of the situation was that I felt like I couldn't breathe in the dress! At that point, I just wanted it off!  "Can you PLEASE take this dress off of me right now?", I exclaimed!

And that was pretty much the last I saw my dress.  Don't misunderstand me, I was NOT having a Carrie Bradshaw moment (Sex and the City season 4: Carrie has a panic attack and breaks out in hives while trying on a wedding dress and realizes she can't marry Aiden).  And, I like my dress...I love my dress.  However, I could not breathe in my dress.  Today is a big big day....I need to breathe.

It Siems Like Insanity to plan a wedding in 40 days...

But that's exactly what we've decided to do.  


On August 15, 2010, we were sitting outside, discussing wedding plans over a tapas dinner. Like many other conversations over the past month of our engagement, this one quickly turned to the "whys" - why can't we just run away, why can't we just get married right here by our waitress, why, why, why.  As I shared my fears with Brad (sounds like a very "almost married" type of thing to do, right), I explained that 6 months of wedding planning might literally suck the life out of my body.  He so wisely responded, "then why are we taking 6 months to plan a wedding?"


And in that moment, what used to sound like heresy, suddenly sounded like the most brilliant idea I'd ever heard.  SOLD. DONE. SIGN ME UP!  The conversation was quick and painless.  We paid the bill and left feeling convicted to storm the gates of "hell" (aka: wedding planning for 6 months) and come out alive...and married.


Later that evening over FroYo (Yes, Kathy M, it was yellow cake batter), the planning began.  Each of us armed with wedding magazines, we frantically began making our short list of potential venues for our event.  With one bite left, we made a pact - to make quick decisions and to play like a team.  Our goals were clear...a ceremony and reception location by the end of the week and officially Mr and Mrs Johnson by December 31, 2010.


Fast forward 24 hours to the two of us sitting in Brad's living room, each on our i-phones, calling, texting and emailing family members, asking them to clear their calendar for a wedding - our wedding - on September 24, 2010.  A mere 40 days away. 


And then it was clear, something that siemed like insanity was now turning into something perfectly Brad & Julie.